this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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