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the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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