He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Congratulations! We have a period
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