Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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