i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize