Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
