I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
