For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
