I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize