She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
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I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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