I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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