Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize