your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
