I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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