There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
