bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
