can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I died a long time ago.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
