First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
