Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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