The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
