you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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