Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
