Swine flu. Run for my life!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
