butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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