It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Welp...herpes.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
