I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
