Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
