READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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