my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just threw up on my dentist
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Mom said you looked used
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
