I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We had to coat check the pizza.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
