So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
