Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
