Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
