He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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