I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
