i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
