I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
and i looked up. we had an audience...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
