o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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