i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
