i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
