just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize