well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
