The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize