Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize