sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
