hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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