do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
