I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
