Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
