fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
