I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
