we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
