So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
