I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
