you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
