He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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