lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
