I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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