I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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