my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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