All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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