Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
