So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
