Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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