Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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