Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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