If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
