I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
