I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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