Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
