Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
