flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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