i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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