So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
