remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
