I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
