Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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