like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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